(The increasingly misnamed) Small piece of Cain fanfic

[yukawai]

shit, that was so cute!!!! 'O_O' *is still trying to get back all the peices of her broken jaw on the floor*

[tenjou_sama]

I've been meaning to read this all week, but my schedule hasn't given me time to read anything so long....until now ^____^ my favorite part was when Cain and Riff went to visit the gypsy...I giggled like a school girl when Riff blushed at having to examine her...and when he suggested the child was Cain's, HEHE!! I love little things like that... [img]biggrin.gif[/img] You've done such a great job at the dialogue.

School AND a job? I've played that song before and it gives me one hell of a headache ... [img]wink.gif[/img] ...guess I'll have to let you off easy this time...I can wait for the next part (hopefully!) [img]cool.gif[/img]

[Risu-chan]

er... thanks! (I think...) *large sweatdrop* *offering back pieces of jaw* sorry, didn't mean to do that... er... um... ^^;;;;;

[Risu-chan]

^___^ Yay! Glad folks are liking it so far...

I don't know when I'm going to get a chance to do the plot-part of the next section, but I had a little while this morning, so I twiddled together the morning-after part... ^_^

ed: arrgh, funky spacing! Okay let's see if I can fix...

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Master and Servant part 2

For one brief, completely sleep-hazed moment, I was eight years old again, sitting at home with my family, and my mother was stroking my hair. It was quite disorienting to have each of the pieces fall back into place: no, there had been a decade and more since then, and I was to be a doctor -- no, because our family had gone bankrupt -- Master Cain...

Master Cain was stroking my hair, softly, quietly, with a touch almost as light as the sun shining through the window.

"Good morning," he said. "Much as it astonishes me, you were quite soundly asleep..."

"...Good morning, sir. I'm sorry, I--"

He put his hand more firmly on my shoulder when I groggily tried to move.

"Careful, you're--"

Then, for a moment, all the world went white with pain; I bit down hard on a very undignified whimper, and felt his hands again, rueful and very gentle as he found the knotted spasming muscles in my throat and shoulder.

"...going to have a hellish crick in your neck," he finished with a sigh, rubbing with great care, but just then everything hurt. "I take back what I said. You have no business being a doctor if you're this great a fool."

When I could breathe again, and very, very gingerly sat up straight to return my head to something approximating the proper angle, I wheezed, "Then you'll have to keep me after all, won't you."

"No help for it, I suppose..." He watched me for a moment, with his head tilted to one side, and then reached over to touch my hair again. "You're rumpled. I didn't know you could be rumpled."

"You needn't sound as though it were the eighth wonder of the world, sir," I said, rather tartly, still trying to find out what actually was the correct alignment of my head.

Master Cain chuckled, and reached over to his desk for a comb. I was still too stiff to move, so I surrendered to his ministrations, because it would have hurt too much just then if I had tried to object that he was not to serve his servant.

He had a scientist's hands, deft and precise and gentle. "You really are an idiot, you know," he said, as he tried to salvage the mess of my hair. "You didn't have to go to that length to teach me a lesson; I'm not that slow on the uptake."

"What was your lesson, then, sir?" I asked.

He rapped the comb against my head lightly, and tossed it back onto the desk. "You will give me anything I ask for, whether or not you should," he said. "So I must learn to be more careful in what I ask of you."

"That was not the lesson I had in mind, sir."

"Would you not?" he asked, gazing at me steadily; the sun glancing through his golden eyes made it look as though they were lit from within by some hidden fire. "Did you not? I asked you not to leave; you took that much too literally, and I am quite certain it was on purpose. Would you not give me anything I asked of you?"

"You already know that I would, sir," I replied quietly.

"And so I must learn to be much more careful in what I ask." He shifted a little, and made a face. "My leg is completely asleep too..."

I took a breath to try again, to try to guide him toward realizing for himself what I had intended to offer him with the reminder of presence and concern; but just then the housekeeper knocked at the partially-open door perfunctorially, and walked in with a tray, and gave me a particular glare for not seeing to it that the usual order was kept. In her world, people slept in beds on schedule, and woke and dressed on schedule, so that they would arrive for breakfast on schedule; and crises of the soul should be scheduled so that they would not interfere with breakfast.

Perhaps that observation was unfair of me; or perhaps the housekeeper simply had less patience than I with crises of the soul, which, to be fair to her, were an all-too-frequent event in this house. In any case, the opportunity had been lost, and so I sighed a bit and stood to resume my place and my duties as a servant.

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(hope to get to write more soon! maybe next weekend, who knows... gotta do homework tomorrow...)

<font color="#660033" size="1">[ January 25, 2003 12:51 PM: Message edited by: Risu-chan ]</font>

[Mikochan]

So sweet!!! I really like how you did this fic...you seem to understand how the characters work^^
I did an Yami fanfic once but now I'm kinda embarassed about going back and rewriting some parts cos of the no of mistakes i made it in[ [img]tongue.gif[/img] i turn red all over when i have to reread it... [img]tongue.gif[/img] ]

You're so good^^ I hope i can write like you...one day ^^

[Wiggle]

That part about scheduling crises of the soul had me grinning.

There's the mark of a good writer, I think -- moment-nuggets like that which bring out a detail of the fictional world. Good job!

[Risu-chan]

(sweatdrop) thank you, guys! ^______^ happy happy! I like it when folks enjoy my stuff! ^___^

('nother sweatdrop) The truth is I'm actually a professional writer, so I'd hope I'm somewhere near good at it. Granted, a professional networking-and-computer-security writer, not a professional fiction writer, but I hope practice is practice... ^_~

The bit about scheduling emotional trauma to fit around breakfast actually came from a bit of life experience though; was really really trying to buy a house to set up a co-op in, and then my dad had a heart attack and one of my friends lost their job and the bank decided not to approve our group application for a loan and I didn't know if my dad was going to be able to get emergency heart surgery covered by his insurance and in the middle of all of it I had to get myself to one pointless meeting too many and I thought about having a mental breakdown and decided I didn't have time, and then I decided I had to find SOME opportunity to work that idea into fiction if I survived the week... @_@;; Anyway, I survived, although whether or not anyone would count me as sane is another question entirely... ^^;;;

[tenjou_sama]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#ffffff"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">although whether or not anyone would count me as sane is another question entirely... </font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

Heheheh.....no comment ^_________^

It seems that everytime I come to post about your fanfic, I can't think of any constructive critisizm and can only spout on about how good it is....XD Oh, and that I can't wait to read the next part =D

!Yay! For great fanfics!!

[yukawai]

.. just exactly -who- is sane here? *look around at slowly raising hands* stop liying!!! >.<

Plus, what is sane and what's not?

2th personality: sane is somewher near "normal"

.. okay, so WHAT is NORMAL? it's a delusional ideal of a routine n repetition of life burp out by morons! X___X

so; INSANE POWERRRRRRRR!!!!! ^__________^~ V

continu to write, it's realy realy great!!

[Mikochan]

*thinks of cain choosing maternity dresses....*

urk....*twitch twitch*